Experimental Failures
by CardboardDisaster07
Summary: Lyra Heartstrings is stuck in the hospital. Why, you ask? Well, the answer is simple: she messed with the space-time continuum. Crack-fic. One-shot. Rated T for action and improvised swear-words (along with my paranoia).


**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, like at all. In this this story, season four and up never happened** **, so Twilight is still a unicorn, and the Golden Oaks library still exists. This also takes place after season two of Wakfu.**

 **Enjoy!**

This was just flat out humiliating.

Lyra Heartstrings: the Chocolate pudding Extraordinaire, Ruler of the Harp Players, and the top researcher of humanatomy was stuck in the hospital with practically all of her bones broken. And to make things worse, the covers on her bed were too thin for her liking. It was killing her on the inside.

Her faithful (ignore the previous word) slave, Bon-Bon, sat next to her, glaring angrily at the unicorn. "This all your fault. You know that, right?" she exclaimed.

Lyra rolled her eyes to the best of her ability. "I know that. But advances in science don't come without sacrifices. You of all ponies should know!"

"Since when did ponykind need to know about humanity, Lyra?" Bon-Bon asked darkly. "As far as I'm concerned, _that_ , whatever you summoned, was defiantly _not_ a human."

"It was a human _oid_! It gave me the basic body structure of a human! I would call it a success!"

"Lyra, that human _oid_ complexly wrecked our house! You'd be dead if it weren't for Twilight intervening and sending it back! And lets not forget about the bills! Princess Celestia isn't paying to repair the damage!"

"I… well…" Lyra hadn't thought about this. "We'll think of something."

Bon-Bon growled. "If I wasn't enslaved to you, I would've murdered you ages ago."

"You signed the blood oath," Lyra smirked. "No death threats or I'll be forced to lock you in the dungeons."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I just question your stupidity at times."

"Stupidity?" she was taken aback. "My IQ is easily twice as high as the average pony! How dare you?"

"You have a high IQ, but you use it for stupid reasons! Like the one that landed you in the hospital in the _first_ place!" Bon-Bon gestured around her. "I think it'll be better off if you would just stop it with your research! Or take a break from it, at least!"

"I'll never stop! Equestria would benefit from the humans! Just think about it! We could enslave them! Do you know how much easier it'll be for slaves with hands? And then their technology! Equestria could take over the world!"

"Or unleash a nuclear apocalypse." Bon-Bon added in, getting onto her hooves. "I'm going to the hospital cafeteria. I'll be back shortly. Need anything?"

"No, I'm good."

"M' kay." The pony turned around and trotted enthusiastically towards the door. Lyra Heartstrings wanted to vomit. How could her slave act so happy? Especially when her master was immobile! The second Lyra got out of the hospital, she would unleash her fury on the puny mortal. But at the moment, with nothing to do, her mind drifted back to the events that got her stuck there in the first place…

* * *

"Bon-Bon! I now present you with the invention of the century!" The brilliant inventor strode up to the mechanism, activating her horn. "Drum role!"

The earth pony sighed, and began beating her front hooves on the concrete floor until Lyra was satisfied, which took around ten minutes, because the unicorn kept on screaming at her to do it, louder! _Louder_! By the time she was done, her hooves were raw. Lyra smirked, and telekinetically lifted the blanket off the machine.

"Behold! The… uh… I… don't really have a name for it yet…" She scratched her chin in thought. "I was considering calling it the TARDIS 2.0, but I then realized I couldn't do that for copyright reasons…"

"Lyra, that looks like a giant egg beater!" Bon-Bon pointed out.

"Mrs. Sweetie Drops! How _could_ you?! Insulting your own _master_ like that!" she hollered and pretended to faint onto the cold floor. However, the cold shocked her, and she jumped back onto her hooves.

"Drama queen…" Bon-Bon hissed under her breath.

"Just… how… _could_ you?" She screamed and looked at her invention. "How could you call it an—oh, wow, it _is_ an egg beater… Bon-Bon, why didn't you tell me that this was the egg beater?"

Bon-Bon frowned. "That's what I've been telling you! Why don't you listen to me? _Ever_?!"

"Because you're an idiot."

Bon-Bon scowled. "Buck you."

"Those illiterate words will not harm me."

"Whatever." Bon-Bon rolled her eyes and headed for the door. "I'm leaving. Go deal with the _'Invention of the Century_ ' without me!"

"Bon-Bon, don't you dare!" Lyra shouted. "Come back here this _instant_!"

The mare ignored her and slammed the door to the laboratory behind herself.

" _I'M REVOKING YOUR_ _SNACK PRIVILEGES_!" Lyra tried again.

" _I DON'T EAT SNACKS_!" Bon-Bon replied, her voice a bit muffled by the door.

" _TOO BAD! I'M REVOKING IT ANYWAY_!" She screeched, before sighing in defeat. Bon-Bon doesn't matter anyway. It's her fault that she isn't going to witness the invention of the century!

Smirking, Lyra approached the machine and pressed a couple buttons. It whirred to life, making strange noises. A few parts even began to smoke. A frown crossed the unicorn's face. "That shouldn't be happening…" she wondered aloud, and pressed the _abort_ button. However, to her horror, it didn't work.

" _WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE_?" Bon-Bon shouted. " _I HEAR WEIRD NOISES_!"

" _NOTHING YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED OF_!" Lyra replied, frantically pressing buttons in hope of shutting the machine off. None of them worked, and she watched in horror as a dark figure appeared in a flash of light.

It fell to the ground, groaning. The unicorn hesitantly looked it over. Really weird orange hair… two arms…two legs…

 _A human!_

Feeling incredibly giddy, Lyra summoned a clipboard and a pen and excitedly began taking notes on the specimen. It wore clothing, for one, which consisted of baggy pants with rope tied around the waist and a white and red cape that looked suspiciously like a ripped-up shirt. A risky fashion choice, but it surprisingly worked for it. A sword was on the ground a few feet from it. At the base of the blade was a circle that looked suspiciously like a closed eye.

Now Lyra had only one thing left of it to check. Was it a he, or a she? The unicorn approached the human, and with her magic, prepared to check, but before she could do so, it shot up violently. " _EVANGELINE_!" It looked around in shock. "Evangeline? Rubilax?! Etes-vous la?"

"Hello, there, specimen!" Lyra exclaimed. "My name is Lyra Heartstrings! You are my newest experiment—"

"Ce que vous etes? Vous etes celui qui m'a amene ici?" It asked angrily.

"Um… no. I don't understand you." She shook her head. "Allow me to repeat myself—"

"Hey, Iop!" A raspy voice exclaimed. "Je sues ici!"

"Rubilax!" the human shouted, searching frantically around. "Etes-vous la?"

"Juste en face de vous, cerveau Iop!" Lyra found the source of the voice. It was the sword. Its "eye" had opened, revealing, well, an eye. She looked at it in wonder as the human quickly snatched it up.

"Well, that can talk too, apparently…" She muttered to herself. "Anyhow—"

"Hey, Percedal, que pensez-vous que cette chose est?" The sword asked, somehow gesturing to the unicorn.

"Je ne sais pas!" The human replied.

Lyra was understanding none of this. But when the duo started making their way to the door, she knew she had to take action. "Stop!" She yelled, magically summoning her trusty rifle, Bessie. "Or I'll unleash Bessie's wrath upon you!"

"Rubi, je pense que est hostile," The human said. "Pensez-vous ce que je pense?"

"En avance sur vous!" The sword replied. The duo began to glow, and the human started getting bigger… and bigger… and _bigger_ …

"H-holy Celestia…" Lyra mumbled.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bon-Bon had decided she was in the mood for chocolate pudding. It was the only dessert Lyra had in the house, and Lyra was too busy doing her weird, insane, sciency-stuff to revoke her snack privileges.

So Bon-Bon made the pudding.

After gathering the supplies together, she poured the water into the pot and cranked up the oven heat. After a few minutes, the water was hot enough, and she dumped the chocolate powder that would create the wonderful gift from heaven called pudding. After she stirred it up, she followed the rest of the steps and quickly turned off the stove. "Mmmmm… pudding…" she exclaimed, grabbing a spoon. "I'm gonna eat you up—"

She was interrupted by crashes, roars, and cries for help. She rolled her eyes, heading to the doorway. "What's going on _this_ time?" A rather loud crash shook the air, and she started to get worried.

The earth pony hurried to the basement and opened the door. "Lyra, what's going on in—" She stopped.

A monster was trashing the place, and Lyra was hiding in the supply closet, firing Bessie at the thing.

Bon-Bon gulped. "I-I'll go get help…"

She shut the door and galloped up the stairs, creating a horrible ruckus that she prayed the monster didn't hear. In a minute she was outside, and rushed to the one place where she knew she could get help…

* * *

"Spike! You burned the book?!" The purple unicorn known as Twilight asked.

"I-I'm sorry, Twilight! It was an accident!" The baby dragon apologized. "I forgot to take my allergy medicine again and I sneezed!"

"Spike, what have I told you about forgetting your medication? If you sneeze, you could burn the place down!"

"But Twilight, I just forgot!" He pleaded.

Twilight sighed. "I'm sorry, I just don't want anypony getting hurt… and I'm stressed about the essay summarizing all of the other essays I'm sending to the Princess! How am I supposed to do this?! Just… _ugh_!"

"You have five days until its due, Twilight!"

"I know that! I Just like to finish early! I want to be _organized_! I don't want this to disrupt my schedule!" She paused as she heard knocking at the door. "Spike, can you get that for me?" she asked.

"Sure thing!" he said as he hopped over. However, the before he could open it, the pony at the door opened it by herself, pinning him to the wall.

"Twilight! Twilight, it's horrible!" Bon-Bon exclaimed, cantering over to the unicorn.

"Bon-Bon! What are you doing here? And where's Lyra?" Twilight exclaimed. "Aren't you always with her?"

"T-that's why I'm here," she panted. "Something horrible has happened!"

"What is it?!" Twilight panicked.

"It's Lyra! An experiment went horribly wrong! There's and monster! And it's _really_ angry!"

"A monster? I'm sure its just a poor, terrified animal. Lets go and get Fluttershy! She can try and reason with it!"

"T-that's the thing, Twilight! I don't think it's an animal!"

Twilight tilted her head to the side, like a dog. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Lyra had built a machine to help with her research on humanity, and it backfired! The monster went on a rampage, and I didn't know how to stop it! So I panicked and went to you!"

Twilight nodded. "I see. Lets get over there, and I'll see what I can do. I hope the monster hasn't caused too much damage…"

* * *

"Buck!" Lyra complained as Bessie ran out of bullets. "What do I do now?!" The monster, whatever it was, stomped closer, shaking the room with every step it took.

"Pas si puissante sans cette arme, hein?" The eye asked, raising a muscular fist into the air. "Nous renvoyer notre je vais casserai!"

"I keep on telling you this! I don't understand what you're saying!" She panicked.

"Je I'ai dit nous renvoie!" it shouted, sending its fist into the forcefield Lyra hastily conjured. It howled in pain as the forcefield burned its skin and stumbled backwards.

Lyra saw her chance and galloped as fast as she could over to her net launcher. She telekinetically lifted it up and aimed it at the monster. "I'll contain you if it's the last thing I do!" she yelled, pulling the trigger. A net flew out and quickly knocked the monster to the ground. However, that was only temporary, as it was quickly ripped to shreds.

"Oh, _come_ on!" she complained.

The monster smirked as it made it's way over to her. Lyra gulped as it raised its giant fist above her head and brought it down in one swift motion.

* * *

 _BOOM!_

 _Her_ heart stopped as Bon-Bon heard the noise. Were they too late?

"Whatever it is, it's defiantly big!" Twilight pointed out as she activated her horn. "This is going to get messy, Bon-Bon. Are you ready?"

"Hay yes I am!" The earth pony proclaimed. "Let's _do_ this!"

The two mares entered the house, and Bon-Bon led the way to the basement. "Your house has a basement?" Twilight asked.

Bon-Bon nodded. "Lyra and I built it a few years back in secret. It took forever."

"It probably did!" She commented as she pulled open the door and looked inside. "Damn, that _is_ a monster!" Twilight gasped. "By Celestia, what the hay happened here?!"

It turned to them, and groaned, "Plus?! II y a plus?!"

"I don't think it speaks our language!" Bon-Bon exclaimed.

"I'm well aware of that," Twilight replied. "Stay back! I'm going to fire my laser at it!" Her horn glowed, and a magenta ball appeared in front of her. A ray of light shot out of the ball, directly at the monster's chest. It braced itself, expecting the worst, but to its surprise, nothing happened.

"Ha! Il fait rien!" it nagged.

Twilight smirked. " _Wait_ for it…"

"Hein?" it asked as it's eyelids became heavy. "Pourquoi suis-je si endormie?" Before it could say anything else, it swayed dangerously. Twilight caught it with her magic before it could fall.

"Bon-Bon, do you know which machine brought it here?" She asked.

Bon-Bon nodded and gestured to it. "I think it's that one."

"Wow!" Twilight said in aw as she trotted over to it. "I've never seen anything like it!"

"Yeah, that's great and all, but can we send the monster back before it wakes up?" Bon-Bon asked nervously.

"Shush! I have to figure out how this machine works before I can do anything! Do you know where Lyra is? She can tell us!"

She shook her head. "Uh… I don't know… oh, no…" her blood ran cold as she noticed the crater in the center of the room. "Lyra!" She galloped over, and started tapping the unicorn. "Lyra, wake up! Twilight needs you! Just wake up!

"Ugh… what..?" Lyra mumbled. "Twilight… is here..?"

"Yes!" she hissed. "And she wants to know how to work the machine so she can send the monster back!"

"Just… press the green button…" she whispered. "That'll… reverse it…"

"Press the green button!" Bon-Bon shouted to Twilight.

The unicorn nodded and pressed it with her magic. The monster suddenly started glowing, and a small vortex started forming around it. Twilight's horn stopped glowing as she released the monster from the levitation spell. She then teleported away so she wouldn't get sucked in. The vortex grew stronger and stronger, and Bon-Bon panicked as it pulled in the very machine that summoned it, crushing it completely. Then, in a fiery explosion, it was gone.

Bon-Bon's body was covered in ash. She coughed a bit, and shook it off. "Is everypony okay?" she asked.

"I'm more or less intact." Twilight commented. "I'm more worried about Lyra."

The earth pony glanced as her friend, then back at Twilight. "Wanna call the hospital?"

Twilight grinned. "One step ahead of you."

* * *

Lyra scolded herself for being so stupid. If only she had been more prepared! Perhaps if she had built a death ray, she could have killed and dissected the creature, but _no_. She _had_ to be beaten to a pulp and rescued by her slave,which was unimaginably humiliating. And now, all she could do at the moment was wait for her return.

"Why the hay did I do that?" she asked herself.

Bon-Bon reentered the room with a small yogurt. "I'm back."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "I thought I told you I revoked your snack privileges!"

She shrugged. "It's not like you can do anything about it."

" _Sweetie Drops_ …"

The earth pony dug her spoon in and took a bite. " _Mmmmmmmm_ … delicious yogurt!"

"Throw that away right now!"

"Naw, I think I'll finish it."

"CURSE YOU SWEETIE DROPS!" Lyra screamed as Bon-Bon left the room with a smirk.


End file.
